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Friday, December 19, 2008

Apple Juice is Delicious

I juice. You juice. We all juice. In one form or another everybody juices.

My juice of preference is apple juice although orange juice is a close second.

However, last night my fellow amigos and I were accused of juicing after dominating the first 4.5 minutes of an EASHL game. I admit it... I had a bottle of apple juice with me while playing the game... See the first piece of evidence Ex. A. If that's juicing then I'm guilty.

Anyway some background information first. Syniper, WookieNaas002 (see Ex. B & C), zarley zalapski, and I found ourselves playing another team of 4. Cool.
The puck drops and zarley of course wins the faceoff. We proceed to dictate play for the next 4 minutes with the other team not even getting a shot on goal. Zarley made a great pass to a wide open me and I perform a carefully planned and flawlessly executed spin move in the slot (read: I accidently spun instead of shooting into the open net.) which resulted in a low shot to the far post. The goalie kicks the puck out right onto Wookie's tape who buries it top shelf.

I was stunned. Zarley was laughing histarically. Syniper was probably tripping somebody in celebration. They were also clearly stunned and they left like bitches. So I proceed to message the 4 of them "Dicks."

Syniper then gets the messages back as usual in which they accused us of glitching, juicing, and sucking. So the war is on and messages are flying back and forth. They continue to call us juicers which prompts me to dust off the laptop to look up this juicing concept. It's good for kidney/colon detoxification.

We looked up the team (THE MOB... how original) and they were a Division 1 team ranked 67th. Their record is 805-331-64*. That record gets an asterisk because they decide to only play the games they can glitch uncontestedly in. Therefore they quit against teams that aren't half retarded.

So after many humorous and illogical messages from the other side, one of their players apologized and explained juicing. It is apparently a great way to make homemade fruit drinks and a way to glitch your players into having 99 stats in everything. Gay. Now clearly this team glitches due to the fact that their top player has 1120 goals in 901 games. Wonderful human being KC THE PRODIGEY has 898 goals in 617 games but they bitch at us about scoring a legitimate goal? Give me a break. We would have beat them any day of the week.

When a 5'6'' grinder scores his 16th career goal and 29th career point in 50 games... you aren't as good as you think you are.

And one backstrom moment to send you off. Syniper leads the team in backstroms and he turns in a solid performance here as well. But he's as dependable as it gets on the backend and you'd be hard pressed to find someone better:

easports world was not cooperating so i had to use this format


Eric P. said...

haha nice post man

what a video

Duff said...


bayonetwork said...

hey is my xbox live account still on the team? cause im getting live back the beginning of january

chris e said...

Great post.

Am I the only one or is it very very difficult to score after the patch? I feel like pretty much the only way to score is the cross crease pass...which gets gay after a while. You can score on rebounds but 90% of the shots taken from the point are blocked. Maybe I just suck but I have been involved in far too many 0-0 games in the past 2's almost not even fun anymore. It's proably just because I suck though.

Zach said...

Rebounds are the best way to score. It's a lot like the real NHL, to be honest.

Cross crease passes work well, but I agree, doing it all game is retarded. In real life, the goalie would cut off 98% of those passes, even if the other team is too retarded to adapt and play defense.

Shots still work, if you place them right. Top corner doesn't work to often, too easy for the goalie to glove it. Going 6-hole, over the pad, under the glove or blocker works quite well.

Also, if you have time, which isn't very often, you can do a little fake with the skill stick, just move the puck a bit, and get the goalie to go down, and rip it upstairs. That's not the glitch where you walk in from the corner or anything.

Also, the standard glitch stuff, like getting the goalie off the post, etc, but I hate doing that.

Oh, also, using defensemen as screens works quite well... not talking about blasting it from the point when there's 6 bodies in front, those almost never get through (rightfully so), but if you're on a 1-on-1, or find the puck in the slot, shooting it through the legs works quite well. It gets blocked sometimes, and sometimes the goalie makes the save anyways, but time it right, and you might sneak one by him.


Zach said...

Couple more things I should mention, that could be worked on by some groups...

When playing with computer players, we don't all need to just auto-call for the pass the second they get the puck. I'm guilty of this as well, and it certainly leads to a ton of turnovers. It just seems like an instinct for each person to call for it, even if it makes no sense for them to receive a pass, and it's not always the best play.

The other thing, is breakouts. I think, the way some teams forecheck and pick off passes, and most specifically, the way teams line up at the blue line, backcheck, etc, I think we need to move it fast.

The D needs to make a fast pass to a forward, but that means the forwards need to be in position. General breakouts in the NHL start with the wings on the boards at the hash marks, and usually the center curls low in the zone. The d-man plays the puck to an open winger, the curls in that direction, towards the puck, and the winger can then skate it, or dish it off to the center, who generally will be skating fast.

If we can do that, we can avoid running into 2-on-2s where we have trouble gaining the blue line.

I'm out of town until the 27th, without my xbox, so if I think of any other things, I may just post them all, heh.


...zurrley.. zalumpskeet?? said...

crveza, great list. I'll make a post out of it. Maybe add some things myself.